The Call Of Solitude

In the verge of a mild depression, I packed my bag and headed to the bus terminal. I climbed the steps of the huge vehicle ready to depart. The scenery along the way slowly faded in my eyes like a dream until I fell asleep. I was awakened by a shout of the conductor. We already arrived at our destination, Ragay, my old hometown. Then, in an instant, the sense of nostalgia rushed into my whole being. How I missed this old rotting town? I can’t express in words but only with a deep sigh savoring the freshness of the early morning breeze. I had lived two decades of simplicity in this town. Naturally, I hated fate when necessity forced me to leave it. Then, reality struck me hard when I realized that I don’t really have any future here. So, I decided to abandon my roots and headed to Manila with the courage of a delusional young boy. However, after decade of unfruitful struggle of city-living I found myself empty in spirit. Now, I’m back again not to permanently stay but to reminisce the past and memories of this town. I know the time will come that I will stay here forever until the day I die. But, not now… my time in the city is not yet up.

As always, the town is the same as I left it. Gloomy, empty and dead but I loved it that way. I rode a tricycle going to Apad, my beloved barrio. I passed by the house of a very special girl who somehow caused this distress. The memories of her flooded into my mind like a distant dream. How sad it happened that way. However, there's nothing I can do but forget it. Then, I saw my mother in her small store, smiling to me with joy in her face and I smiled back without saying anything. My hardworking mother was growing old fast now but with grace in her own way. My siblings were very happy to see me. My nieces and nephews were happy too, even without their usual chocolates. I’m glad also that I’ve realized how I missed them.

The next day, I visited my relatives in the other side of the barrio. I asked my cousin a favor to accompany me to an island we called Ogtoc Point. We rode a motorboat silently watching the scenery magically revealed before us. The burning heat of the sun and the acrid smell of the sea bring back the memory of my childhood. After an hour, we arrived peacefully at my uncle’s fishpond. The old house was still standing as I saw it the last time. Taking a nap in that house really makes me snore like my late father. The sea breeze was really so calming and rejuvenating that will surely send anyone to his/her deepest slumber.

In that afternoon, I strolled around the island alone forgetting the complexity of dwelling in the city. Under the bearable heat of the sun, I wandered in the empty beaches and in the edges of numerous cliffs. After a while, sitting atop a rock silently watching the birds and throwing stones that disturbed the calm sea enjoying my self-appointed solitude. I passed by the dilapidated house of my former classmate. I remembered the happiest moment of my life in that abandoned house. After our high school graduation, we spent there three unforgettable days of summer swimming in the beach, doing childish franks with each other, singing along with guitars around the campfire, and drinking a lot until we passed out. I’m still wondering if somehow my former classmates remembered it too. My reminiscence really absorbed my spirit that I forgot it was time to go home. I saw the sun started to hide itself at the back of the mountain. The red glow shinning in the horizon increases my growing sadness. Then, I heard a familiar sound… the sound of my alarm clock. Ah… I wished I’m not dreaming again…